 It looks like Hot Tub Time Machine isn’t going to be the new The Hangover—although the comedy about guys going back to 1986 had a decent weekend at the box office. I knew not to look for right-wing content, though. The movie stars John Cusack, and he spent the ’80s complaining about Ronald Reagan using the Constitution as toilet paper. (I’m thinking that Chris Lemmon—son of Jack—once said the same thing. Maybe they got together at Spago’s to think up that kind of stuff.)
Anyway, the funniest ’80s flashback with Hot Tub Time Machine just ran as a letter to the New York Times. A proud Canadian feminist took great umbrage at a roundtable discussion about the ’80s that ran in the paper last week. The stars of Hot Tub Time Machine were interviewed, and I hope Cusack is proud to have been part of such a sexist endeavor. Enjoy this statement from Elizabeth Collins of Vancouver, and marvel at how the ’80s was full of joyless morons just like her (and all weird grammatical touches are as originally run):
Re: “Remembering Those Awesome ’80s” by Dave Itzkoff [March 21]:
In Mr. Itzkoff’s article four actors are asked “Dynasty: Krystle or Alexis?” and, “Tiffany or Debbie Gibson?”
To what is this referring, and to whom is it of interest? I’m guessing, based on the responses, that it has some male-centric sexual preference quotient, and am offended that The New York Times deems it of interest to its readers.
Perhaps Mr. Itzkoff would like to survey, instead, a high school boys’ locker room and then publish the result on a blog about “hot,” or sexually attractive women. Or, in Maxim, or Playboy magazine.
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 If you think fans of Janeane Garofalo and Bill Maher are sad, then check out the cult of deceased stand-up comic Bill Hicks. I’m happy to see that I’ve already summed up my disdain for Hicks while celebrating a far better comic. Sadly, his fanatical following now brings us the insanely self-congratulatory trailer for American: The Bill Hicks Story.
That trailer does a pretty good job of suggesting how dull Hicks was in his outrageousness. Among his many moronic routines was one about those crazy Christians who wear crosses, with Hicks noting it was like honoring John F. Kennedy by wearing a small gold rifle. I remember my sister making that same comment when she was about 13 years old, and lots of other kids have done the same at that age. Hicks just took a lot longer to figure it out. Then he found an audience stoned enough to laugh at the tired idea.
Hicks was actually a pioneer in making a living by reassuring desperate folks that they were all really cool and insightful, just like him. That’s Garofalo’s gig now, and also Kathy Griffin’s. There’s one inadvertently hilarious moment in the American trailer where Hicks is literally screaming at his audience about how everyone in the club with him is so much smarter than everyone else. The trailer is funny, but Bill Hicks remains pathetic—and the people who go see American are the same types who honestly believe they’re smart because they prefer Conan O’Brien to Jay Leno.
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 Remember a few weeks ago when a pompous academic made an ass out of himself while commenting on the shootings at the University of Alabama Huntsville, but then everyone forgot about it because it was just passing idiocy that couldn't be fanatically politicized? As it turns out, there isn't anything I can't fanatically politicize.
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 Here’s my Kim Fowley interview, just in time for that biopic about The Runaways and some fine reissues of his early studio productions. Anyone not familiar with Fowley will find his interesting history helpfully covered in the article. Not much politics here, but you’ll see that the guy isn’t kidding himself when he claims to be politically incorrect.
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 These nice young men are the members of Atreyu, who aren’t a particular inventive metalcore act. I wrote a review of them recently, but skipped the most admirable thing about the band—as seen in a December 2009 interview with Revolver magazine. The band dares to include the article in their press kit, despite some fun quotes from frontman Alex Varkatzas. His political lyrics lean towards general disgust, but certain conservatives (and horror fans) will admire how Varkatzas openly expresses his love for a certain Springfield XD-45:
It’s a semiautomatic 45-caliber handgun—a beautiful, lightweight piece of firepower. When the swine flu broke out, I found myself looking at my copy of 28 Days Later and I’m, like, Sonofabitch. What if we all start turning into zombies and I don’t have a gun! So I went out, bought this gun, and learned how to shoot. If you’re a zombie, or if you’re thinking of breaking into my house, I will shoot you in the f**king face.
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 I know it’s been a while since I posted, but Karol Sheinin just had a baby. I haven’t gone to visit her or anything. In fact, it’s a completely lame excuse, but no more embarrassing than admitting that I’ve read an article in the new issue of Esquire. Honestly, I was waiting for a tow truck. One thing still stood out to me, and I should jump on it while other conservatives are having fun laughing at Roger Ebert.
This latest issue of Esquire has a pretty good profile of the noted film critic who’s been in terrible health. Personally, the only thing I ever liked about Ebert was how often his syndicated reviews put local film critics out of business. I gave up on At the Movies back when Ebert (& Gene Siskel) kept dismissing cool films in their “Dog of the Week” segment. It’s only been recently that Ebert’s been pitching himself for loving obituaries by becoming a shrill Leftist idiot.
Anyway, Chris Jones’ profile—titled “The Last Words of Roger Ebert"—has this one inadvertently hilarious anecdote about the guy (brackets are mine):
He took his hardest hit not long ago. After [equally petty Leftist film critic Richard] Roeper announced his departure from At the Movies in 2008—Disney wanted to revamp the show in a way that Roeper felt would damage it [and Roeper’s ego]—Ebert disassociated himself from it, too, and he took his trademarked thumbs with him. The end was not pretty and the break was not clean. But because Disney was going to change the original balcony set as part of its makeover, it was agreed, Ebert thought, that the upholstered chair and rails and undersized screen would be given to the Smithsonian and put on display. Ebert was excited by the idea. Then he went up to visit the old set one last time and found it broken up and stacked in a dumpster in the alley.
Ebert seriously believed that anyone cared about At the Movies after Siskel died. How touching. The best part, though, is how the above story is just like a scene from 2002’s About Schmidt. That comedy/drama is subtly conservative, and you can get a clue about that from reading Ebert’s review. He liked About Schmidt, but you can see that the main thing Ebert took from the movie was disdain for the average working man—even a fairly successful insurance executive. Ebert probably spends a lot of time rereading his old reviews. Maybe he’ll stumble across that one someday, and marvel at how little he’s learned about his own life.
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 It’s kind of weird that Scott Brown’s big win in Massachusetts has inspired a Digney Fingus revival. That’s courtesy of the prudes at The Huffington Post, who are upset that Brown’s wife starred in the video to “The Girl With The Curious Hand”—which was certainly one of the better songs being played in the bad clubs of 1984. But also consider that Scott Brown’s victory was hailed by Jim Skafish. If you don’t know who Skafish is, you can proceed from that link to his website. Then marvel at how Obama has lost the psychic punk pioneer vote.
While it’s still January, let’s also plug one of last year’s more conservative albums. Steve Lee’s I Like Guns (on Revolver Records) may look like a punk act’s attempt to make fun of mid-America. Lee’s actually Australian, and a dedicated outdoorsman when he isn’t fronting the roots-rocking band The Lee’s. Here’s the video for the knowledgeable title track, in which Lee also strikes a blow for the environment. You can sample the rest of the album here—and it’s a shame that I never did a Christmas gift guide. Valentine’s Day is coming up, though, and the truth is that Steve Lee loves guns.
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 I'm still not convinced that Tucker Carlson is a conservative, but he certainly did the right thing by hiring Jim Treacher to blog at the new The Daily Caller. Meanwhile, there's still some New Year's Eve activity over at McBeardo.com, where he's doing a fine job listing plenty of the worst things about this past decade. Naturally, that includes some Leftist idiocy. McBeardo is pretty much apolitical, but pop culture sure isn't. Finally, here's an article where I celebrate a very short-lived cinematic phenomenon where a bunch of teenagers got together and had a good time without acting like it was some kind of big hipster deal. That's something we didn't get much of in the past decade.
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 Like the other list posted today, this one has been published
elsewhere. I can’t find the article online, though. That’s obviously
because it’s the kind of important deep thinking that gets hidden
behind a subscriber’s firewall. Anyway, here’s…
The Ten Most Overrated Albums of 2009
In case you missed the awards ceremony, my Overrated Albums list for
2008 was chosen by Popdose.com as the Best Overrated Albums List of the
Year. My acceptance speech went like this: “I’ve been ripped off so
much that the thing’s become a goddamn category?” Now the idea of
writing about the Overrated Albums of 2009 seems overrated itself.
Besides, the critics and fans showed some restraint this year. R.
Kelly’s wretched new album got the respect it deserved. Nobody got too
excited over Sonic Youth’s The Eternal, either. It received the good
reviews you’d expect for the best Concrete Blonde album of the year.
But, as always, there was plenty of hype handed out to the
undeserving—made more tragic by gullible music fans who are too lazy to
seek out all the quality acts that litter the internet. The worst albums were
by this crowd, made even more irritating by popular acclaim…
The Pains of Being Pure of Heart: The Pains of Being Pure of Heart (Slumberland)
Mom and Dad getting divorced, and your older brother got dibs on
rebelling to death metal? And your sister is old enough to have hogged
everything by The Belle and Sebastian? Here’s some passive
pre-adolescent pop with flaccid riffs that’ll put you on your own path
to bad decisions—likely leading to starring in scatological porn that
isn’t even made in Germany.
Phoenix: Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix (Glass Note)
a-ha announced they’re breaking up this year, and Phoenix is probably
why. No aging act can compete with a full boy-band experience modeled
after The Pretenders, Adam Ant, and lesser new-wave acts. At least
Phoenix perfectly captures the most irritating aspects of new-wave.
Meanwhile, the fine Frenchmen of Poni Hoax go unheard. That makes them
the only Frenchmen who deserve to complain about stupid Americans.
Wavves: Wavvves (Fat Possum)
Douse yourself in Axe Body Spray and enjoy Wavves as ’90s punk-pop
dumbed down (yes, even more) for aging frat guys who pine for emo music
worthy of a sports bar jukebox. Don’t forget to admire how Nathan
Williams combines the arrogance of Bono with the toothy obliviousness
of Clay Aiken. It's like watching that Germs biopic if Darby Crash was
played by Dane Cook.
The Avett Brothers: I and Love and You (American)
They looked ready for the Disney Channel at the start of the decade, or
at least a remake of Adventures of the Wilderness Family. Then the
Avett Brothers’ mix of emo and Americana caught the eye of Rick Rubin,
who groomed them for the glossy debut of I and Love and You—where, as
feared, the humble backwoods act was turned into the house band that
Rubin should’ve used for Reba McEntire’s hipster makeover.
Bell X1: Blue Lights on the Runway (Yep Roc)
The Irishmen of Bell X1 are so white that ACORN should be financing
them a new Cadillac. Bell X1 is so white that the moronic praise for
the wispy pop of Blue Lights on the Runway should skip the Talking
Heads comparisons and cite DEVO as the band’s personal James Brown. Any
woman who can dance to Bell X1 probably used to attend the John
Phillips Day Care Center. I’m not even sure what that last line means,
but it can’t possibly be as unfunny as the idea that any young person
has been listening to Bell X1 and thinking, “Yeah, get down on it.”
Wilco: Wilco (The Album) (Nonesuch)
These guys would be retired to the Overrated Hall of Fame if the
cornball lite-rock of Wilco (The Album) hadn’t been accompanied by this
year’s Ashes of American Flags (the documentary). The footage followed
our dullard heroes while they played small Southern venues and whined
incessantly about the corporatization of the American landscape. They
have no clue that they’re the Olive Garden of Americana.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs: It’s Blitz! (Interscope)
Their dance-pop got tired long ago, but It’s Blitz! is where
’80s-throwback Karen O got desperate enough to insist that the Yeah
Yeah Yeahs’ music “almost feels like a John Hughes ’80s movie.” In an
awesome display of survival, Hughes waited five months before dropping
dead from embarrassment.
Green Day: 21st Century Breakdown (Reprise)
Billie Joe and his supporting cast have made an album that is entirely
interchangeable with Bon Jovi’s The Circle—except Jon Bon Jovi never
committed the sin of giving aging punks something to actually be right
about when complaining about pathetic sell-outs. Bon Jovi would
probably also be too embarrassed to be caught rhyming “hero” and “zero.”
Jay-Z: The Blueprint 3 (Roc Nation)
He’s still the Madonna of rap, with Jay-Z working busy dance beats
under the auspices of a brand name that’s mysteriously respected. His
jet-setting socialite days have also turned him into the white Ashton
Kutcher. This one is the blueprint too far, with the busy businessman
working through a checklist of hip-hop clichés while sounding as tired
as Humpty Hump on an oldies tour.
The Dirty Projectors: Bitte Orca (Domino)
A discordant opening track turned The Dirty Projectors into critics’
darlings. Then the reviewers had to ignore the rest of Bitte Orca,
including the sappy soul music and the cutesy Americana—not to mention
the uninspired hip-hop. Then the critics faced the daunting task of
deciding whether it’s cooler to rank Dirty Projectors above or below
Kelly Clarkson. Math is hard!
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 I'm not sure why my five favorite albums of 2009 are by artists whose last names begin with "M." I can only suspect that it has something to do with why those brainwashed kiddies were chanting, "Barack Obama--mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm." Unlike those schoolchildren, though, only one of my favorite artists got a lot of play on YouTube. That's why I've included brief notes of introduction. There's not much in the way of political content, though—except for a song on that Tris McCall album which tells the sad story of a potentially good politician who can't work in the Democratic Party's machine. And I don't want to freak out everybody too much, but my sixth favorite album of 2009 starts with "N."
Don McGlashan & the Seven Sisters: Marvellous Year (Arch Hill)
The former New Zealand new-waver (Blam Blam Blam) also fronted a great rootsy rock band (The Mutton Birds) before launching a sporadic solo career that's kind of rootsy new-wave. It was a good year for his fans, since McGlashan also landed two great tunes on the sprawling 2-disc 7 Worlds Collide compilation.
Adam Marsland: Go West (Karma Frog)
As reviewed here, and you can already order his soon-to-be-very-scarce new album here.
Tris McCall: Let the Night Fall (Melody Lanes)
He spent the past decade chronicling NYC's post-9/11 musical scene, with Tris McCall as a perfectly timid Everyman trying to rock hard in the classic pop style while embracing hip-hop. This is his first album in ten years without a strong rap influence. That must mean something.
McGinty & White: ...Sing Selections from the McGinty & White Songbook (no label)
Two veteran NYC scenesters cuddle up together in a cold world where their lovely and whimsical pop tunes are out of fashion. Even the "Wichita Lineman" cover is interesting, though they probably flipped a coin over Jimmy Webb or Lee Hazlewood.
Mitchel Musso: Mitchel Musso (Walt Disney)
The first really great album from a Radio Disney act comes from a skinny big-nosed kid who looks like Zac Efron's comic relief. Musso also shows up with Ashley Tisdale on the Phineas and Ferb: Songs from the Hit Disney TV Series soundtrack. That would've made the list if so many of the songs weren't from 2008. Also, I'm also still upset about Ashley getting her nose done.
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